I Don't Believe
by ToS Lover
Summary: Tony spends his nights waiting up for Paige. Tony is a shmuck. But a fight ensues, and then Tony's a shmuck who's out for revenge. Padlock angst, courtesy of Don't Hug Me I'm Scared 1 and 2. Maybe a little Adventure Time if you squint. Inspired by Eve 6's "Victoria".
1. Chapter 1

Tony was definitely off schedule. According to his watch, he was supposed to be in bed three hours ago. Instead he was watching lousy infomercials and nursing another shot of Patrón; his fourth if he was inclined to be honest. Paige was _supposed_ to be home from the club by now. She had insisted on going out alone again tonight to shake off a case of art block.

He sighed. He was such a shmuck. Paige had been doing this for weeks now, how was he supposed to keep acting like this didn't bother him? Even the boys had declared she was taking this whole "free spirited artist" thing a little too far. Well, at least Harry and Robin had. Actually Harry had declared her "a couple fries short of a Happy Meal" and told him "his horns were showing". Whatever that meant. Robin, ever the supposed scholar, had suggested she was "testing the waters of their relationship" as well as "appealing to his baser instincts and his possessive nature". When Tony had asked for that in layman's terms, i.e. "Speak English, you ass." , Robin had boiled it down to "She's doing this on purpose so you'll get upset and screw her in a position _other than_ missionary, you absolute bore."

* * *

Wincing at said memory ensued. So he wasn't always as _creative_ in bed as she wanted. Whatever. It got the job done, didn't it? "Creativity" was highly overrated anyway. Pouring a fifth shot, he blew a raspberry at the empty room. Lapsing into a comfortable position, he was about to spend another hour watching overly incompetent actors and D-list celebrities laud the merits of nonstick cookware and other random junk, when his phone vibrated. He whipped his phone out, expecting a text from Paige. Instead it was a message from Harry that said, _"Look at this."_ Opening the attached video, he could make out a club at full capacity, the dance music coming in grainy and abrasive. Suddenly, the camera swung around to the club's bar, and more importantly, the woman lying on the bar. _Paige_. He'd know the vibrant pastels of her hair anywhere, even as they dipped off the bar and swirled onto the seat of the bar stools below. She was giggling maniacally as some random guy did Jello shots off her body. Tony saw red instantly. _Who the fuck was this douche? How dare he come anywhere near Paige? Who the fuck wears red plaid to a club anyway? Dude looked like some sort of hipster lumberjack! _

His irrational musings were broken as his video Paige yelled out to the crowd: _"Who's next?"_ The crowd around her exploded in a fit of raucous cheers and then the video cut off. If Tony had been angry before, he was downright homicidal now. The couch began to creak as fabric disintegrated and springs started to rust. He leapt off the couch to keep it from degrading underneath him and dialed Paige's number. One ring, Two rings, thr-

"_Toooony~" _Paige's voice was cheerful and bubbly over the loud music of the club. _"I thought you'd be in bed by now!"_

"Paige…" Tony was busy trying to keep his tone as even as possible to keep from yelling. "I need you to come home…_now."_

"_Oh, Tony. Don't be such a worrywart. I'll be home soon. I just met these cool guys, they were playing here tonight, and-"_

"Did one of these _guys_ happen to be doing shots off of you too, or was this after you let the entire club have a go?" he cut her off dryly.

"_TONY!" _Her screech made his ears ring. _"I know you can be a total wet blanket, but don't bring my friends into this!"_

"Friends? FRIENDS?! Paige, you just met these people! This is ridiculous, just come home and stop mucking around!"

"_No! No, Tony I will NOT stop 'mucking around! I am an adult! I will muck around as much as I please! I will 'muck around' and I will 'goof off', and frankly after tonight I just might consider _fucking around _too, you absolute bore! So goodnight Tony, and don't wait up!" _The call cut off abruptly.

Tony's rage had now reached apocalyptic levels. He had to steady himself for a minute before he started screaming incoherently, or worse had an aneurism.

"She…she would really consider cheating on me?" he asked the empty room. "Well…' A maniacal grin split his features as an idea formed. He grabbed for his jacket and his car keys and made for the door. "Someone's getting fucked over tonight, but it's not going to be me.."


	2. Chapter 2

Tony drove along the streets barely paying any mind to the cars whipping past him, or the storm he had driven into. The sky flashed with blinding twists of lightning and the rain drove itself determinedly into the pavement. He drove along silently until he found his target_: The Color Wheel_, Paige's favorite club. It would close any minute now, and that's when he would strike. He slid the car into a spot far from curious eyes, and exited.

Tony kept a leisurely pace as he sauntered over to an alleyway by the club. Slipping on a pair of white leather gloves, he made himself comfortable against a brick wall and waited.

6:00 on the dot, he heard the creak of the club's fire doors as they opened to disperse random clubbers. Shrieks of rage were heard as women bemoaned the rain for ruining their makeup, hair, and carefully planned outfits. Biting down on his lip to suppress a laugh, he strained to hear over the racket of complaining women.

"_Rain, Rain, you've come to play~"_ Paige adored the rain, especially storms. Her frivolous nature meant she'd spend hours outside playing in storms, only to spend the days after with a cold. And here came the rapid clicking of heels on the pavement; Paige was most likely shoving her way through the throng of clubbers to enjoy the rain. And she should be coming this way in three, two, one-

_Gotcha! _ Tony gave a hard tug on Paige's arm as he made to drag her deeper into the alley. He threw a hand over her mouth and another around her waist. She was thrashing now, the tips of her heels occasionally catching his knees and shins as she fought. Finally at the darker end of the alley, he pressed his back against its wall and her body against his. He moved the hand at her waist to the top of her shorts, sliding his gloved fingers against the waistband, slipping a finger in slowly as leather fought against spandex. Paige had gone silent now; he could feel her tremble as his fingers made their way towards her inner thigh. Tony smirked into Paige's hair. The smirk became a triumphant grin as his fingers hit cold metal.

He slipped the knife from it's garter; pausing to drag the icy sheath against her skin, hearing her gasp as he lead the knife's path over her mound. Her body started to tremble minutely once more, and he had to bury his face in her hair to keep from laughing. The ball was entirely in his court now. Time for the next part of his plan. Spinning her around, he pressed her back firmly against the alley wall and began to speak.

"Well, what do we have here my dear? Did you really think that you were going to get me with your little stickpin?" Tony twirled the knife in his fingers and looked down at her in amusement.

"Tony?! You fucking asshole!" Paige screamed. "You can go fuck off right to hell! I can't believe you did that, I swear-" He pocketed the knife, using that hand to cover her mouth and the other to brace himself against the wall as he pressed his body into hers. "Now, now my dear. As much as I love your dirty mouth, I think you might want to tone it down just a bit." Sliding his mouth down to brush against her ear, he whispered mockingly, "After all, someone might hear us."

"Now, are you going to calm down, or am I-" Tony was cut off by a burning sensation. Straightening up, he found the knife that was once in his pocket now making a cozy new nest in his shoulder. He barely noticed Paige's smug smirk as he freed it from his body. Turning to face her, he secretly savored the fall of her face as he grinned maniacally above her and muttered, "Fuck this."

Tossing the knife behind his shoulder, he moved to back Paige against the wall again, knee and thigh pushing between her legs hard enough to lift her feet slightly off the ground. He ignored her yelp of surprise in favor of attacking her neck, teeth and tongue marking up the white canvas of her skin in equal measure. The tugging of his free hand tearing the front of her shirt, pushing aside fabric to grope at her breasts, exposing them to the early morning air. They received the same treatment as her neck, tongue pausing to tease the silver piercings anointing each abundant pillow of flesh.

Tony hissed slightly as fingers from above tugged at his hair, Paige's whimpers demanding, begging: "More…Please…Harder…Fuck me…" He grunted a negative and slid his tongue down her stomach to play with the piercing there. She wanted him now? Too bad. She was going to have to work for it. He slid her off of his thigh and grabbed her waist, not missing the dissatisfied groan she gave as he forced her to stand upright. She made for his crotch, but he batted her away, crushing her to his chest. His fingers once again made their way to her inner thighs, teasing soft circles against them before brushing her center. Her head fell back with a loud moan, but the teasing continued.

Slow strokes turned rougher as Tony picked up the pace, one of Paige's legs attempting futilely to wrap itself around his waist in frustration. She was bucking against his hand, her muscles contracting in effort from the strain; he knew she was close now. Time to wrap things up. His knuckles nudged her center now, applying pressure in short bursts that was making Paige snarl and curse like a sailor below him. It wouldn't be long now…3…2…1…

A final hard press to her core had Paige finally coming undone against him, her scream of release startling birds, dogs, and car alarms. She slumped against him, still muttering curses. He chuckled and patted her head.

"Well, that was fun. But really Paige, body shots?" Tony pulled back to look at his partner, who was grinning ear to ear.

"I had to switch it up _somehow_. Besides, it was fun."

"Yes, tell that to my blood pressure. The stabbing was a nice touch though."

"Wasn't it? Let's go home; I could use a nap."

"I very much doubt you'll be getting that nap anytime soon. I'm not done with you just yet."

"Oh~? Well, neither am I. Race you to the car!"

"Paige! Paige, get back here!"


End file.
